Personal

I just really need to talk about this…

Lately I’ve been having this uneasy feeling that refuses to go away. I’ve been holding back my feeling for so long now and its messing me up. I really need to talk about it though part of me feels like I’m just being silly. I might look at this one day and think about how silly I was being… but for now I just really need to talk about.

I feel like I’m being hunted by the past and can’t move forward anymore. I was an A student with three diplomas. Ill I wanted to do back then was programming. Now I’m studying Mechanical Engineering but I can think of is “Then what?”. I’m failing almost all my subject this semester. I can’t study for exams or even bother to try because what’s the point? I do love mechanics and machines but I can’t help but to wonder what if I finished this diploma and it ended up like the rest… “wall decoration”. Why bother? Why try?

Does the job I’m actually seeking even exists? and…. what if I made the wrong choice all along?

I don’t know what is it exactly but I feel like I’m suffocating. As if I’m inside a shell and I can’t break free. Also Like I lost the me that I used to be. Don’t get me wrong I’m trying to stay positive. though nothing I’ve tired managed to shake off those feelings. I feel like I lost something that I can not regain.

 

Now I think I’m being overly sensitive.

 

I really wish I can find that girl I used to be…

 

P.S. I just needed to talk it out..


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